Hey, friends. How are you? It’s been awhile. I hope you’re well.
I have the original Ghostbusters playing on the television, right now. Ray just brought them a car for only $4800 that needs effectively everything. I came home a couple hours ago from the theater and needed to watch it, so here I am.
Bet you can’t tell what I saw.
I have a lot of feelings about that, maybe I’ll share them. Maybe not. We’ll see. All I will say is that I cried at the tribute to Harold Ramis.
I cried, I hopped in my car, and drove back home. I needed to watch the original.
So here I am.
It’s safe to say that effectively anyone who knows me knows of my deep love for Bill Murray. The love started with, you guessed it. Ghostbusters. It has been one of my favorite films for as long as I can remember. I used to watch it a lot when I was a kid. And in high school. And in college. And now. And I will when I’m old. If there is a way to, I probably will in the after life. But honestly, it means significantly more to me than just one of my favorite movies, let alone one of my favorite Bill Murray vehicles.
I don’t recall specifically when my dad sat me down to have the clarifying discussion about movies, that they weren’t real and just stories and such. However, I do remember quite distinctly demanding clarification that the entire film process was in fact a viable career prospect. That my dad wasn’t just messing with me. I guess for some reason in my child brain I needed a concrete verification that no, Bill Murray and Dan Akroyd were not making films out of the goodness of their heart, and that during the day they were actually hustling lattes at Barnes & Noble, and making copies at the neighborhood FedEx. Being an actor or a director or a writer was actually a career possibility. It was as acceptable for me to want to be when I grew up as my peers who wanted to someday be doctors or teachers or astronauts.
And that’s kind of when I decided. When I grew up I was going to act in movies and on stage and be funny.
I think that was always what I wanted to really focus on, if I’m honest. I think it’s why I take to improv so easily. Despite my sense of humor in general being relatively sarcastic and dry, comedy feels comfortable. I feel at ease doing it. When you’re growing up and you’re already conscious that you’re not the thinnest, or the prettiest you need something to fall back on. People like people who make them laugh. They sure as hell don’t like people that are brilliant and completely aware of it. If you’re funny enough, people forget. I was always the smart kid, but I figured maybe I could be the funny one, too.
The confirmation that I was also going to be a writer as well would come significantly later. But that’s a story for another day.
Needless to say, I have done quite a bit of things since I was five. I’ve been on stage more times than I can count. I’ve been in a handful of short films for friends and local folks. I’ve even written one acts. I was internet famous for a hot minute because of a satire series that I did about the Twilight series called, Twilight in 10 Minutes.
But then. It happened.
I hit a block. My depression kicked into over drive a few years ago. I wasn’t happy anymore. I was more than willing to give up on this. I was starting to accept the voices in my head that told me that I couldn’t do this. That I sucked. That I wasn’t talented. That I was going to be stuck at a bullshit dead end job for the rest of my life and never be happy. My dreams of being an actor and a writer were dead.
Or so I thought.
Everyone in my personal life knows exactly how it went down, but in the version I can professionally share, so to speak, it went something like this. In March, I hit the breaking point. I was officially at an impasse with time running out. I was scared and confused, and needed an answer. I had hit the point where my job was officially interfering with my education.
I went home from the lunch I was having with friends at the time, changed, typed up my week notice, and got in my car. I walked straight to my manager and handed him my notice. I told him I was done.
There are no words to properly express how good that felt.
I was brutally miserable at that job, and it was the final nail in the coffin.
I think it’s safe to assume that I’m about to tell you about how amazing my life has been since then. You would be so right. I started applying for jobs as soon as I came home, and started researching acting and writing opportunities.
I was offered a job interview the next day. 3-4 hours after I came home from that interview I was offered a job. A few months later I had another job interview, and was offered a higher paying position with another company. My team is ridiculously kind, fun, and supportive. They like that I’m in school. My position is pretty flexible to the point that I can be in school and still pursue acting and writing opportunities.
I was on a short list for a film internship.
I volunteered to work with my friends on a short film for a film festival.
I DID IMPROV AGAIN, THIS PAST WEEK. AH. AND I WASN’T HORRIBLE. AND I HAD SO MUCH FUN AND MET SO MANY NEAT, WONDERFUL AND RIDICULOUSLY TALENTED PEOPLE. AHHHH.
So yes. I cried in the parking lot. I cried when I came home while I was watching Ghostbusters. I started crying on the phone when I went over everything that I just typed for you to him. Anyone who knows me knows that I am not of a God fearing faith, so to speak. When I was younger I was a stout Atheist. In my old age I have kind of worn down to an Agnostic. I am fully open to the idea that there is a higher power, however, personally I don’t believe it. At least yet. But I’m open minded. However. I do believe in karma. And I believe in the universe.
If I needed any kind of a sign that I am on the right path, that my dreams are not just silly day dreams, that my destiny in life is to be an actor and a writer, fuck. That my destiny in life is to be a storyteller?
Baby, I’ve received it.
When Conan O’Brien was the host of The Tonight Show, he said something on his last episode that has stuck with me ever since then.
“If you work hard, and you’re kind, amazing things will happen.”
Nothing happens over night. Behind every success is hard work, drive, and the passion and tenacity to achieve it. I’m blessed enough to be surrounded by such talented, and hardworking friends in various fields. Jane’t never loses sight of her goals and stays so positive. Colin refuses to stop hustling and keeping his eye on the light at the end of the tunnel. It’s encouraging and motivating, where as about three or four years ago it would have made me self conscious. Funny how time changes things.
I have a lot of lost time to make up for. And I couldn’t be more excited.
Let’s get shit done.